NO EXCUSES, NO APOLOGIES, NO REGRETS
Part 12 - Full Serving

Thanks to my wunnerful betas - Hastings, Connie & Lois.
Special thank yous to: Jule, Jewel, PP and Kelly for helping me with continuity and such. You *pigs* were incredibly helpful!

EMMETT

I am so hungry, I could probably eat a cow. Munching on a garlic breadstick that Mikey just pulled out of the oven, I watch Brian and Justin walk out of the bathroom. They both look flushed; Justin more so than Brian. Mikey and I exchange knowing looks. I can't believe the two of them just couldn't put the fucking off until later. For crying out loud, they're supposed to be entertaining Brian's new exec. They've pulled some stupid stunts in the past, but this is just downright rude.

Gabriel looks away from his conversation with Ben when he notices Brian and Justin in the kitchen. His expression is smug, knowing. Did they really think no one would suspect? I feel embarrassed FOR them.

"Sorry about that," Justin apologizes with an innocent smile. If his cheeks get any redder, I'm going to be looking for steam coming out of his ears! "I needed to talk to Brian."

Brian snorts and I roll my eyes heavenward. Talk my ass! Did he need to tell Brian how far up his ass to stick his dick?

Teddy's trying to catch my eye but I'm *so* ignoring him. He's gone and brought his druggie twink with him. I don't even want to know what's going on with those two. I'm distressed enough as is, my relationship with Dijon is slowly going from bad to worse.

I think the no-good bastard just may be cheating on me. It's a homo hunch, but I feel it in my bones. We started having sex and it was amazing...at least I thought so. He did say I was good at giving head, but then, that's a given. I've been practicing since I was a wee little queer boy and all.

"Yeah, I teach at Carnegie Mellon," I overhear Ben telling Gabe.

I wonder if Brian's fucked this one. He's surely his type. And he's so hot... Hell, I'd let him fuck me, Dijon or no Dijon! Gabe catches me watching him and smiles. I return the smile and pretend to be engrossed in my bread.

"I'll just check on dinner," Justin says. "Anyone need a drink?"

"I do," Brian responds smoothly.

Justin gives him an odd look and mumbles something under his breath. I'm standing close enough to assume he's said, "Get it yourself!" He then turns his back on Brian and attempts to open the oven. I want to laugh when I see the expression on Brian's face. It's priceless. Looks like the lovebirds weren't fucking in the bathroom after all.

Trouble in paradise? All I can say is: I so expected this.

MICHAEL

"What the fuck's wrong with him now?"

Justin's being a total jerk to Brian. He's talking to everyone but Brian and when Brian tried to hug him a second ago, he pushed him away as if it were some joke and ran to check on the food. Since when do you need to check on baked potatoes every two seconds?

I find it weird that he and Brian are arguing so early in the game... I mean, they only got back together a few months ago. Although Brian and I aren't as close as we once were, I can't help but ask him what's going on.

I know he still doesn't get the fact that I'm now a married man. I wish I had talked to him about it before I went ahead and said 'I do.' But, I know him... he would have tried to talk me out of it... and I really didn't want to hear the disadvantages of walking down the aisle, especially from someone so opposed to the idea... although, if you ask me, he and Justin are practically married already. They've been living together for a while, argue like Mel and Linds sometimes do and still fuck like rabbits. I don't think they need vows anymore. If ever they decide to do something drastic, or Justin rather, I can hear Brian saying, "I solemnly swear to fuck him from this day onward 'til my dick can't get up anymore and Viagra's out of the question!"

Justin in return would probably vow to get Brian to say the famous "I love you" line. That should take a fucking lifetime.

I can't help but sigh. I needed to start a new life for myself... one that didn't involve Brian. So, I can safely say I've made the best choice. I'm content.

I watch Justin as he talks to Blake, smiling, asking questions, being the perfect little *hostess*. Yet, he can't even be civil to Brian in his own fucking loft! That kid is just never grateful for anything!

Brian obviously ignores my question, like he ignores every other question about Justin. "I need another drink. How 'bout you, Mikey?"

I shake my head. "I'm good," I tell him. "Maybe you should go easy on the hard stuff. We haven't even started eating yet." And he's on his 3rd glass of Jim.

His lips curl into his famous 'I-don't-give-a-shit-smile.'

"Don't worry about me, Mikey," he whispers as he drapes an arm around my neck. "You worry about your hubby."

A few more and Brian will be falling down. Obviously Brian is bothered by the way Justin is acting. What else could it be?

He leaves my side to pour himself another drink. I follow him with my eyes as he walks over to Justin's side, slipping an arm around the twink's shoulders and leaning down for a kiss, which he doesn't get because Justin moves his head away. Blake grins as Ted comes up behind him and tries the same thing. The only difference is, Blake lets Ted kiss him.

"Well, isn't that just fucking infuriating?" Emmett's at my side all of a sudden. "How can he just allow that... that... tweaked out twink back into his life?"

"Tell me about it," I reply sourly. "Especially after he cheated on him and all."

Emmett gives me a strange look. "I was talking about Blake."

Oh. Shit.

He walks off all huffy, back to his boyfriend, who's been glued to Gabriel's side ever since he got here. Ben says Dijon has been flirting all night with Brian's new exec. Speaking of Gabriel, that man is hot. I wonder if Brian's fucked him yet. I haven't asked Brian, but only because he's being distant tonight. I'll ask him tomorrow. I know that even if he hasn't fucked Gabriel, he will eventually.

"Why so glum?" Now Ben's at my side.

I kiss him quickly. "We shouldn't have come here tonight."

"Not having a good time?" Ben asks.

I notice Justin's setting the table... Brian's with Ted and Blake but his eyes never leave Justin. Ben follows my gaze and puts two and two together, I guess.

"They'll get over it, whatever *it* is," he says in his reassuring voice, always thinking positively.

I fake a smile. Sure they will. Don't they always?

BRIAN

The little shit is beginning to seriously annoy me. He's trying his best to get his digs in with the hope no one will notice. But, I notice. I fucking notice. He's sitting next to that fucking bastard Gabriel, smiling sweetly at the prick but he doesn't even look at me. Not even to say, "Fuck off, Brian!"

Emmett's on the other side of him, chatting non-stop to Dijon who looks like he's ready to smack his boyfriend over the head. I feel his pain, sitting opposite Emmett, forced to hear every sickening word. If that isn't bad enough, I'm stuck in between Mikey and Ted, who's trying to whisper sweet nothings in Blake's ear.

I need a fucking drink.

"Brian." Mikey's giving me his 'mother' voice when he notices me eyeing the drink tray.

I lean back and decide to actually listen to reason for once. I need to have a clear head for later. Looking across the table, Justin's eating and listening as Gabriel tells him which parts of Europe he's visited. Who the fuck gives a shit, Justin? Just because you and your pansy man Felix spent some time fucking there doesn't mean you have to bore the rest of us by bringing it up again!

Gabriel is actually easy to take tonight. He hasn't even looked my way, not once. I should be bothered... I mean, I'm sitting at the same table with the man whom I've loved to hate for the past nine years. And yet, I'm more pissed at the fact that the bastard has his eyes fixated on my blonde lover right now.

I'm glad when thirty minutes later, the table is cleared. I didn't eat much. Not that the food wasn't any good, I just lost my fucking appetite.

"Anyone up for coffee?" Justin suggests.

I'm up for something but it isn't coffee.

"I think we'll pass," Ted says, arm around Blake. Someone's getting lucky tonight. Although, going home with Ted is not what I'd consider a prize.

Gabriel looks up at me, sees my cold expression and says, "I'm gonna go too." He thanks Justin for dinner, tells everyone how glad he was to have met them and with one last look in my direction, he leaves.

"We're going to Babylon," Emmett tells us. "Thanks for dinner, baby." He kisses Justin's cheeks and Dijon waves goodbye to me.

I sip my bourbon and wait for Mikey and Ben to decide if they're staying or going. Finally, they go with the latter.

The minute the loft door shuts, Justin walks into the bedroom.

"Justin," I say calmly. I don't want to fight with him... but if we do, I want to be the reasonabe one.

When I notice the jacket in his hand, my eyes narrow suspiciously. So much for being reasonable. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"For a walk," he says quietly.

I fold my arms over my chest and watch him slip into the jacket, contemplating what the fuck to tell him.

"Justin."

He looks up at me. "What?"

"It's late," I say, although it's not even 10 yet. I just don't want him going out tonight. Not like this. Mad at me.

"And I'm going for a walk," he says firmly.

"Will you stop this?"

"Stop what?"

"You know what."

He snorts. "I'll stop when you start being honest with me."

I chortle. Sighing exasperatedly, I ask, "What the fuck do you think I'm lying to you about?"

He clutches the scarf in his hand tightly. "I know he went to Penn State, Brian," he says softly. "You and he were at school together."

My eyes narrow. "What the fuck are you talking about? He who? Brad-fucking-Pitt?"

He grits his teeth and snaps, "Gabriel."

Something explodes inside of me. Is that what they've been whispering about all night? ME? What fucking bullshit. I take a deep breath to calm myself before saying, "You're wrong."

He laughs, a hollow, empty sound. "You know I'm not."

I walk over to where he's standing until we're inches apart. "He went to Harvard Business School." Hence the reason he and Vance are so chummy.

Justin looks into my eyes quickly. "You're lying."

"Am I?" I cock a brow. "Being his boss, I'm privy to a lot of things, his resume being one of them."

He breathes out quickly and I wonder how long he's been keeping that in. I touch his cheek gently but, he pulls away.

"Justin."

"He told me he went to Penn."

What the fuck? Why the fuck would he tell Justin that? What is he trying to do? "He's lying," I say. "That's the kind of person he is."

"How can you say that, Brian?" he asks softly. "You're only supposed to have met him a few days ago."

Fuck. The alcohol is turning me into an idiot. I've got to think... fast... make sense.

"I just get that vibe about him," I try to cover up quickly.

He gives me an odd look but lets me draw him in for a hug. As I'm about to let out a relieved sigh, he moves away from me. "What aren't you telling me?" he shouts. "Who is he REALLY?"

I stand there like an idiot and try to come up with reasonable response. Instead, I settle on trying to avoid the topic altogether. "What the fuck's wrong with you? Will you stop this?"

He chews on his bottom lip. "He means nothing to you?"

"Nothing," I reply without hesitation. It's the truth. He hasn't meant anything to me in a long, long time.

Justin turns to face me, his emotions as plain as day in his shining blue eyes. "Promise me."

Fuck. "I don't do promises, Justin. You know that."

"Promise me, Brian."

I snort but concede. "Promise you what?"

"That he's nothing to you," he says.

Sheesh. I can promise that one. "I promise."

"Promise me you're not keeping anything from me, Brian."

Fuck.

I stay silent. His blue eyes stay fixated on my own, waiting for me to fall apart and come clean. He licks his lips.

"Promise me he's never meant anything to you," he adds.

Fuck fuck fuck. I can't do that. I don't need to fucking lie about anything. I just... I'm scared. How do I just come out and tell him? Tell him about the man who took my heart and fucked me over?

"I can't," I whisper, eyes lowered.

He stares at me for a few seconds before walking past me and out the door. I want to run after him, admit everything to him. But he needs to take his walk...clear his head...think. Fuck, so do I.

*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*
"Did you enjoy your steak?"

I lean back and nervously look into Gabe's dark eyes. "It wasn't bad," I say with a grin.
His idea of lunch was an expensive restaurant with a name I can't even fucking pronounce.

He shakes his head and grins. "I'll have to take you someplace where you can't help but be blown away."

"I've been blown away many a time," I say automatically, the smart-ass reply always on the tip of my tongue. Fuck. I want to fucking expire on the spot; I'm so embarrassed.

I feel his dark eyes on me, lazily scrutinizing my face, landing on my lips and never straying. My insides are slowly heating up and I can hear my heartbeat echoing. This man has such a powerful effect on me. All I want is for him to rip my clothes off and fuck me right here. On this table.

He leans into the table and I find myself mirroring his actions. Before I know it, his hand is sliding up my thigh and he's whispering, "Not by me."

---

I am in fucking heaven. I've been sucked and thoroughly fucked. I could lay on this bed... in his trendy pretentious condo and never move for the rest of my fucking life. My body's stiff and my ass is sore but I'm fucking content. I hear the shower go off and know Gabe will be coming out soon.

"You up?" he asks.

I raise the duvet cover. "Not yet. Didn't you get enough?"

He grins. "There is no such thing as enough," he says. "Get your ass up. I've got a business meeting in an hour." Pulling me off the bed for a kiss, he whispers, "You have got to go."

I nip at his lip but he pulls back quickly. "Down boy." He slaps my butt and moves away to start getting ready.

I search for my clothes and listen to him while he talks.

"I'm going to recommend you for an intern position, Brian," he says. "I don't think I'll be your direct supervisor but in any case, you can't let anyone know about this, ok?"

I slip on my jeans. "I don't fuck and tell, Gabriel."

He gives me a sharp look.

"What?"

He looks away. "Nothing."

I shrug. Whatever. I button my shirt and wonder if this is it. Was it just a fuck or do I get to see him again? Most times after I've fucked a guy, I don't care to see him... he reminds me of what I am... who I can never be. He reminds me of the fact that I'm lying to myself everyday... lying to good old Jack... disappointing Joanie. I'll never have the *perfect* wife or little brats of my own to come home drunk to... go a few rounds with my fists on my home-made punching bags. Oh, no. The hetero life just isn't for me.

It's depressing really. How many people I'm going to hurt. How much I hurt myself.

"Brian?"

Gabriel's standing in front of me, attempting to fix his tie. I take over the duty and do it for him. He's surprised enough to ask, "Who taught you how to do that?"

I laugh. "Fags are good at other things besides sucking cock you know."

He snorts and asks, "So what's my fucking excuse?"

I press my lips against his when I've completed my job and say, "Nothing's wrong with *just* being good at sucking cock."

Before I can move away, his mouth is on mine again, sucking at my swollen lips greedily. When he pulls away, he moans. "Fuck." He presses his forehead against mine, his fingers grasping at the back of my head. I can feel his hot minty breath; I breathe him in. "Can you come by tomorrow?" he murmurs.

"Sure," I say slowly, trying to sound casual, unaffected. I'm bursting inside though.

He kisses me once more before saying, "Good boy. Now why don't you run along?"

He ignores my glares and his laughter follows me to the door.

As I walk toward the nearest bus station, all I can think about is tomorrow... it can't come soon enough for me!
*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

03/02/03

Banner courtesy Andrea

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