NO EXCUSES, NO APOLOGIES, NO REGRETS
Part 10 - Guilt

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"Brian!"

The minute I walk into the classroom, he's on me...my professor, Paul Anderson. I grind my teeth in annoyance before putting on my best suck-my-ass smile and turning around. He puts an arm around my shoulders like a friend would do and I can see the smirks on the faces of the few students already sitting in class. "Brian Kinney getting star treatment"...they're all thinking it. I know. But, I work fucking hard for this kind of recognition...and none of them can touch me. When I'm done at Penn, I'll own the fucking industry...my name will be synonymous with God. I'll own them...and their little brats. They know it.

"I'd like to introduce you to someone," Anderson whispers excitedly. "This man...he's going to take you places, Brian. I can feel it."

Take me places? I stifle a chuckle. The only place I want to be right now is in my room - sleeping! I spent all night with Lindsay at a house party. She didn't want to go alone and her bitch was going to be there so... I ended up smoking too much weed and fucking this tight-cunted freshman. I don't even recall her name...just that I kept wishing she had a cock...or she knew how to suck cock.

"What's going on?" I ask, more confused than ever.

I raise an eyebrow and follow his lead, until I'm out in the hall, face to face with another man. He looks to be about 30 or so. My eyes widen the minute they land on this divine creature. He's decked out in a grey suit, one that looks extremely expensive and which fits him perfectly. Giving him the once over, all I can think is, he can take me anywhere he wants. He's fucking hot. Smiling rakishly, I shake his extended hand. His grip is firm - a solid handshake. I wouldn't mind that hand around my dick.

Fuck! Get a grip Kinney! I take a deep breath and try to pay attention to what Anderson's babbling about.

"This is the student I was telling you about, Gabriel," Anderson says excitedly. "Brian is amazing. He has such potential, creativity... He's going to make us at Penn proud, I just know it."

I can feel my cheeks getting hot as I feel 'Gabe's' eyes on me. They're so dark...intense. My entire body stiffens as he smiles and I feel my cock begin to stir.

"I look forward to spending some time with you, Brian," Gabe says smoothly. He has a British accent but he's trying his best to hide it.

I love it. It's sexy as hell and in moments, I'm hot and sweaty. God please let him be gay. Let him like cock. I'm practically praying. I'd even settle for him being bi... as long as I can feel his cock in me...his lips on mine. Fuck!

"Brian Kinney," Anderson continues. "This is Gabriel Mc Allister. He's one of the best execs you'll ever have the pleasure of meeting."

"Andy," Gabriel raises a hand. "Don't bore the boy with my history just yet. We have plenty of time for that."

Boy? I can feel my eyes narrow. Twenty-two is hardly a boy... And HE doesn't look a day over 30 himself. Asshole...

Professor Anderson excuses himself and I'm left alone with Gabriel. My gay-dar is tingling, but I want it to skyrocket. I need to be 100% sure.

"History fascinates me," I say cheekily. "Especially ancient. Old, *old* civilizations...a *boy* my age, well... I'm sure I can learn a lot from you, *Sir*." I cock a brow and keep my tongue in cheek as my gaze is locked onto his.

He grins. "Sir?"

"A boy needs to have respect," I reply with a straight face and add, just to irritate him further, "Sir."

I succeed if his response is any indication. "That's right. But I'm hardly a *SIR*. Are you a boy?"

"I'm a man."

"Good. Now that we've got that out of the way, how about I buy us lunch? Andy's been raving about you so much, I felt the need to come and meet you myself."

"Lead the way."
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BRIAN

I wake up in a cold sweat, the memory of the dream still fresh in my head. The first day I met that bastard. I wish I could forget. I did for a while, but now that he's back, it's all flooding back. All the hate I've built up inside...kept for so long. I don't want to remember.

"What's the matter?"

Justin touches my arm as he sleepily stifles a yawn. I must have woken him up.

"Nothing," I say and to end any further conversation, I fall back against my pillow and pull him into my arms. "Go back to sleep."

He yawns again and entwines his fingers with mine. "What time is it?"

I squeeze his hand in warning. "Late. Go to sleep."

He stifles yet another yawn. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Jesus Christ! I hate it when he turns into a fucking woman. Nag...nag...nag. I sigh, exasperated. "Will you shut the fuck up and go back to sleep?"

He slaps my hand away and sits up. "I need a drink of water," he tells me. "Want anything?"

"For you to shut up?" I snap back.

He ignores me and goes into the kitchen. I hear the fridge being opened and slamming shut.

It's been four days since we met Gabriel at Babylon. And that asshole is going to be in my fucking loft tonight. Why in the hell do I let Justin talk me into this shit? I should have put my foot down and said NO! I should have told the little twat we were NOT going to welcome that prick with open arms to MY loft. We are not some happily married couple who has to invite every Tom, Dick and Harry who's new to the Pitts over for a dinner party.

More than anything, I'm filled with guilt. Fuck it. Why the fuck should I be guilty? I don't do guilt. But hell... I should have told Justin the truth. He deserves to know who Gabe is. I don't want him to find out later and fucking hate me for lying to him. I just don't want him to know... no...no...no.

Justin returns to bed, taking too long to get "comfy" under the duvet. Finally, out of pure frustration, I drape a hand over his body to still all movement.

"Brian?" he says in his most serious voice.

"What now?" I respond annoyed.

"We have got to do something about your new attitude. It fucking downright sucks!"

I snort and pull him closer.

"In case I don't get a chance to remind you tomorrow," he continues. "Don't forget to pick up the wine. Is Gabriel going to be coming home with you?"

I stiffen just hearing the fucker's name.

"He is NOT coming anywhere with me," I say nastily.

Justin sighs. "What is really going on, Brian? You're like a fucking crazy person!"

I am not going to have this discussion at...looking at the bedside clock I see it's four in the fucking morning! I turn away from him.

"One minute you're cool and the next," Justin hovers above me. "You're like a pyscho."

I push his head away but it returns just as quickly. "Why don't you like him?"

Christ. Let it go you little twat! You don't want to know. I promise you... I'm protecting you. You don't want to know...

"You fucked him, didn't you?" Justin asks, shaking my shoulder to get a response. "You fucked him!"

I say nothing, close my eyes and pray he'll pass out or just go to sleep.

"BRIAN!"

"Will you fucking stop this?" I shout as I sit up. "I did NOT fuck HIM and I won't fuck YOU...EVER...AGAIN...if you keep this up."

He stares at me, blue eyes blazing, before sighing and falling back on his pillow.

Why didn't I just tell Justin the truth right then and there?

Fuck.

JUSTIN

"So, should I go with mashed or baked?"

I'm on the phone with Daphne trying to figure out what kind of potatoes to make for dinner. And complaining about Brian. It's like he's turned into Oscar-the-grouch these past few days.

"I don't know!" she says irritably. "You know I don't know the first thing about cooking, Justin!"

I grin. She's being totally honest about that too.

"So why are you doing this again?" she asks. "I mean, if Brian's being an asshole...?"

"It's the boss-like thing to do," I tell her...as if I actually know what the hell I'm talking about. I know nothing...absolutely nothing about being the boss of anybody or anything. Except Brian ...and those are rare, rare moments. "I don't know anyone Brian works with...it'll be a good thing."

She snorts. "You and Brian could be over in like a week!"

"Don't say that."

"You say it all the time."

She's right. I do say it... I'm not sure if it's fear or some sort of premonition.

"I'm hoping for the best," I say.

She sighs. "Well, I think you need to talk to him."

"To Brian?"

"Well duh! If he's acting weird, there must be a reason behind it."

"I know..." I attempt to peel a potato as I continue my chat with her.

"Do you think he's seeing someone else?"

"I doubt it..." I bite my bottom lip before confiding, "But...I think he's hiding something from me."

"Like what?"

"That's the thing!" I say quickly. "I don't know! Ever since..." And I think for a moment.

Gabriel. Ever since that new guy started working at the agency. Oh fuck. Could it be? Could Brian be fucking that guy? They didn't look too chummy at Babylon... but Brian was so upset after. And Brian's been a fuck ever since... Oh shit.

"Daph?"

"Yeah? What is it? Did you come up with something?"

I laugh. "I think I may have."

"Well?" she says. "Aren't you going to tell me?"

"I want to be right about this. I'll call you later!"

"Justin!"

"I promise!"

I hang up and stare at the phone in my hand for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and dialing Vanguard.

"Vanguard Agency. How may I help you?" the receptionist says politely.

My heart is beating so fast. Fuck. Stay calm Taylor. Don't be a coward. This is important.

"Gabriel Mc Allister, please," I squeak before repeating the name more firmly.

"One moment."

I am put on hold for a little while before another receptionist comes on.

"Gabriel Mc Allisters's office. Who shall I say is calling," she asks.

"Justin Taylor," I respond.

Oh God. I am so scared. What if I'm wrong? Brian will fucking kill me. I am so uncertain...so nervous. But I need to know. And I feel it... that somehow, I just may be right about him. That HE is the missing link...

"Justin?" Gabriel is finally on the line. "This is a surprise. Don't tell me you're calling to cancel on me?"

His voice is humour-filled, soothing. He makes me feel like I'm talking to Daph! I laugh and feel much calmer already.

"Not at all," I say.

"Good," he tells me. "I'm dying for a good steak."

"I never said it was going to be good." I tease.

"No, you didn't. But I've got a feeling about you."

I want to laugh but it sort of gets stuck in my throat and I end up making this horrible squeaky noise. Fuck! I immediately take a deep breath and muster up enough courage to say, "I wanted to ask you something."

"Do I prefer white or red?" he jokes. "Or pretty little blonde boys?"

I chuckle. "You're funny."

"Smart and good looking too," he adds huskily. "Tell me when you're ready for a change in bedmates."

I swallow. Now I'm not so comfy. "I..."

"Cat got your tongue?" he jokes. "Don't take me seriously, luv. I wouldn't dream of stealing Brian's boytoy...no matter how delicious he is..." Silence. "But you didn't call to be sexually harrassed, right? How can I help you?"

I drop the potato peeler in the sink and wipe my hands with a towel. "I thought maybe we could get together for a chat?" I suggest in my most reasonable voice. "Get to know each other better?"

He thinks for a moment. "And when did you want to do this?"

"Today maybe?" I say. "An hour earlier than expected? Say between 5 and 6?"

He laughs. "Isn't it odd?"

"What is?"

"That Brian's going to be working late tonight?"

I feel my cheeks turning bright red.

"Oh?" I innocently mumble.

He laughs again. "All right, Justin. Have it your way. I'll be there. Should I come prepared?"

Oh God. I hope he's not thinking that I'm REALLY interested in him. Fuck No!

"Not THAT kind of prepared, boy," he says amused, noticing my long pause. "I meant, should I bring anything...like a bottle of wine?"

I sigh, relieved. "No, no."

"Ok, see you soon, luv."

He hangs up and I collapse in a nearby chair.

I know I'm right about him. My instincts tell me so. The question is - am I really ready to hear anything he has to say? Especially if it is about Brian?

14/01/03

Banner courtesy Andrea

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