NO EXCUSES, NO APOLOGIES, NO REGRETS
Part 6 - Changes

BRIAN

When I hear the door slide open, I immediately turn around from the sofa, expecting to see Justin walking in.

But, it's just Mikey.

I click off the TV and stand up as he's closing the door. I was hoping he had learned a thing or two about barging into people's homes without knocking from the last time. His short-term memory loss never ceases to amaze me.

“Hey,” he stops me to plant a kiss on my lips but I turn away in time for him to get my cheek. I'm still upset with him. It seems he may have forgotten that too.

“What are you doing here?” I ask emotionlessly as I walk towards the kitchen. He refuses my offer of a beer, but I think I'll need one for this conversation.

He shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and follows me. “It's Friday night,” he tells me. “Thought we could go to Babylon or something.”

After taking a small sip of the bitter draft, I lean against the counter and cock a brow. “Without the hubby? Or did you get permission already?”

He sighs, annoyed. “Brian,” he starts. “I thought we had this discussion already. Just because I'm married to Ben doesn't mean our relationship has to change.”

He's so full of shit. Everything changes once you give yourself to another person. You slowly begin a metamorphosis and the product is something so far from what you were, it's scary.

I hate change. With it comes spontaneity and unpredictability. I like being prepared because it means being in control. When something happens to shake my equilibrium, I get nervous and I can't control my reactions.

Like when I found out Justin had gone to Vermont. I was unprepared for it – the thought of him leaving on his own had never crossed my mind. I came home ready to celebrate and fuck my partner. I was even willing to apologize, in my own way, for shutting him out and not explaining things to him. But he ruined that plan by taking off without me.

It fucking pissed me off that I had to hear it from Mikey and then I couldn't fake a suitable reaction in front of him - because I was so surprised. He saw the pain in my face…they all did. But they never should have. Justin paid for it though. I made sure he felt sorry for leaving by fucking that trick right in front of him, in our bed. And I changed my behaviour to suit. I wasn't going to allow him to make a laughing stock out of me again.

Yet somehow, he has managed to again…and again. I don't know if he does it deliberately or not.

“You're a married man now, Mikey,” I joke as I return to the present.

“That doesn't mean you're not still important to me, Brian.”

But, I'm no longer THE man in his life. He no longer holds me in the highest regard. My hold over him is gone.

I snort and gulp down some more beer. He looks around the loft.

“Where's Boy Wonder?” he asks.

“He's not here,” I tell him.

In fact, he hasn't been here in two whole days. He came back that night, after our fight. The fucker fell asleep right next to me, woke up in my arms. We pretended it never happened – him waking up in my arms, although he does it subconsciously – and refused to talk to each other. He was waiting for my apology; I was waiting for his.

Neither came - just an early morning call from Jennifer. Molly had fallen down the stairs and sprained her ankle. Justin went to the hospital but I couldn't go, nor did I have the inclination to.

He called later to say he was staying a couple days with his sister to keep her company while his mom worked. The conversation was brief:

“Brian?”

“What?”

“I'm going to stay with Molly for a few days, ok?"

“Do whatever you want.”

“It's just that mom can't stay home with her so I said I would.”

“Ok.”

And I hung up.

But, I miss the little twat. Two days of being without him after months of growing attached again. I hate what he does to me sometimes.

“Where is he?” Mikey persists. “It's a little late for him to still be at school.”

The way he says it has me glaring at him. I refuse to let him bait me with his distrust of Justin.

“He's at his mother's,” I tell him before finishing the last of my beer.

“His mother's? Why's he over there? Did you two have a fight?”

“We aren't married,” I tell him smartly. “He can still go see his mom whenever the fuck he wants.”

Mikey sighs. “Brian.”

I laugh.

“I came here to talk to you about something,” he says softly.

I raise a brow. “And here I thought you came to invite me out?”

He fidgets a bit before saying, “Ben and I are thinking about adopting a kid.”

What the fuck? I've got to be going insane. I swallow and blink a couple times before asking him to repeat what he just said.

“Ben likes kids,” he says.

I think I need something stronger than beer. I pour myself a shot of Jim Beam and swallow it in one gulp.

“Why are you telling me this?”

He touches my arm. “I didn't tell you about the wedding and I'm sorry. I need you now.”

No, you don't need me anymore, Mikey, not as long as you've got your hubby!

“Don't do it,” I say quickly. Because the minute he gets a kid, that'll mean even less time for me! For us!

His hand drops back to his side before ending up in his pocket. “I'm not getting any younger, Brian. Neither are you for that matter.”

I snort. “I beg to differ.”

“I need to move on,” he says softly. “Start my life.”

Without me…I almost hear him say it.

I don't say anything and stand still as he moves closer. He caresses my neck and pulls me down for a kiss.

Kissing Mikey is like kissing myself. It's satisfying to a point and then it becomes routine. I know how he works – what makes him tick.

I play with him, tease him with my tongue until I can feel his hard dick pressing against my thigh. And then I pull away and grin down at him.

He smiles. “I'd better go.”

“Wouldn't want to keep the hubby waiting,” I mock.

He grins. “You shouldn't either.”

I lose the grin immediately and can hear his laughter as he shuts the door.

Fucking asshole!

He's got a point though. Why should I let this situation with Justin go any further? I know I want to be with him. He knows that too. I'm happy with the little twat. I've got to be the bigger man and step up to the plate – make a few decisions, changes even.

JUSTIN

“So then Jill like tells Josh I've been crushing on him and now I'm like totally embarrassed!”

Listening to Molly, I want to die of embarrassment myself. Was this what I sounded like at that age? Is this how I sound now?

“Is that why you threw yourself down the stairs?” I tease and she tosses a cushion at my head.

“I hate you, Justin!” she screams, giggles quickly escaping.

It's been nice spending time with her and mom. We haven't had a family dinner in months. Even dad showed up yesterday to check on Molly and ended up staying for dinner. He didn't say much to me, kept the conversation strictly centered on school and my studies. Not that he cares much I think. He's seeing a woman but didn't talk about her much. Mom was very supportive. I wish she'd start dating again cuz she looks so tired and stressed lately.

She's been busy with a bunch of new buyers too - having a good year - and I didn't want to put a spoke in her wheel. So I offered to take care of Mol for a couple of days. Plus, I thought Brian and I needed the space.

I've been thinking a lot about that night and I can understand his anger. But there's nothing I can do about it! Felix gave me half of a loft. I'm getting a steady flow of income. It feels so good, not having to work. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can even afford to pay Brian back!

The doorbell rings and I rush to open it hoping it's mom with dinner. She got stuck with a couple buying a condo and called 30 minutes ago to say she was going to be late. I'm starving and Molly's been complaining every 10 minutes.

It's not mom but Brian. I'm amazed and I can't hide my surprise.

“What are you doing here?” I ask immediately.

He smiles. “I didn't know I wasn't allowed to stop by and check on my boyfriend.”

He walks in without an invitation and I'm left closing the door, more confused than ever.

Molly shouts when she sees him. “Brian!”

She can't move from her position on the sofa so he leans down to kiss her forehead before handing her a package. “A get well present,” he says.

I hadn't even noticed the gift in his hands. Half sitting on the arm of the sofa, I watch Molly rip the paper apart to reveal the new Lord of the Rings video game.

“Wow!” she gushes. “I've been begging mom for this since it came out!”

She hugs Brian and turns to me. “Can you put it on, Jus?”

I nod quickly and set it up, handing her the game controller.

I still can't say much, being so suspicious about Brian's visit. He can charm the pants off anyone, me included, but this time, I'm ready for whatever he's got up his sleeve.

While Molly plays with her new toy, he motions us to go outside.

“We'll be right back, ok Mol?” I tell her but she's too engrossed in the game to pay me much attention.

Outside, it's slightly cold and there's a chilly wind. Brian sits on the top step and I join him. He lights up a cigarette and takes a long drag before handing it to me.

“She seems fine,” he comments.

I nod as I breathe in the addictive drug. “She's better than fine.”

He nods and turns to me. “So when are you coming home?”

I cough and nearly drop the cigarette.

“Huh?”

He gives me a weird look before leaning close to brush his lips against mine. It's incredibly sweet, and I can't help deepening the kiss.

When he pulls away, he has the cigarette between his fingers. Taking another drag he says, “Don't get carried away.”

I hit his arm and he grins.

“I take it you miss me?” I ask hopefully.

He shrugs and pulls at some loose thread on his pants. “I don't like it when you're not with me.”

For Brian to say something like that is huge. I won't push him to say anything else – even sorry for what he did to me. It's not necessary anymore. But we should get a few things out of the way - for both of our sakes!

“What about the money?” I ask.

He sighs. “He bought you a fucking loft. What can I say? It's yours. Your money.”

“I didn't know, Brian,” I say, hoping he'll believe me.

He nods and finishes off the cigarette before flicking it away. “At least now you can quit that fucking job.”

“I know!” I mutter excitedly. “I'm going to get so much sleep!”

He laughs and pulls me into his arms. “I was thinking more along the lines of extra time to spend on your school work, twat.”

“And here I was hoping you were gonna say fucking,” I joke.

He draws me even closer to him and kisses me through the giggles. We only pull away when we hear mom's car pull up.

“Brian,” she forces a smile when she sees him. “Well, this is a surprise.”

Brian and I stand up. He slips an arm around my shoulder. “Just came to get Justin.”

Mom forces a smile at me. “I take it you're leaving?”

I know she doesn't want me to but I can't stay. “I'm sorry, Mom.”

She squeezes my hand. “Don't be silly,” she says. “We all knew this was only temporary.”

I nod and she smiles once more before going inside. I turn around to wrap my arms around Brian's waist.

“Go get your things,” he tells me.

I nod and do as I'm told like a good little boy.

The minute we get home, Brian drags me into the bedroom and pushes me onto the bed for a fuck-marathon. For hours, all we do is fuck. He even lets me fuck him.

Then, I get hungry. Too lazy to attempt to make anything, I get Brian to order us pizza – the deal that comes with three cans of pop and Girl Scout cookies - and we agree to have a lazy night watching his box collection of the Sopranos.

“I'm going to get so fat,” Brian mutters as he drops the half-eaten slice of pizza, his fourth, back into the box.

I'm on my fifth slice and engrossed in watching Uncle Pussy and Tony go at it. We're half-lying, half sitting on the duvet, naked, the pizza box, cookies and pop surrounding us.

“Justin,” Brian groans. “No more. Throw this shit away.”

I take another bite and ignore him. “Shhh!”

He gulps down some Coke before grumbling, “You've seen this already so stop shushing me.”

Finishing off my slice, I let out an undignified burp. Brian cringes and throws a cushion at my face. “Gross! Fucking gross, you little twat.”

I laugh and tackle him so he's pinned below me. He knows what's coming and tries to push me off but I've caught him by surprise so I have a slight advantage. Leaning down so our noses touch, I grin and let out another burp – right in his face.

Laughing so hard I fall off him, he's on me in no time, tickling and poking my bare chest.

“Stop!” I beg through the giggles. “I'm sorry!”

He snorts and ignores my pleas. “If your mother could see you now!”

I can't catch my breath but manage to wrap my legs around his slim waist. I guess my semi-hard dick pressing against his stomach distracts him because he stops tickling and begins kissing me.

But he doesn't let it go too far, pulls away in fact and props up on his elbows to loom over me. He's staring intently into my eyes and I run my fingers over his cheek.

“What's wrong?” I ask, concerned at his sudden somber state.

“I just feel like…” He lets out a long sigh.

“Feel like?” I prompt.

“So much is changing…”

“What do you mean?”

He moves so he's lying on his side next to me, propped up on an elbow. I imitate him so we're eye to eye with each other.

“With everyone,” he says. “Everything's changing.”

I raise a brow. “Change is necessary, Brian.”

“I know that.”

“What is it that's bothering you? Talk to me.”

He sighs before saying, “Mikey came to see me.”

Great. I can just imagine what that asshole filled Brian's head with this time.

“He and Ben are going to adopt a kid,” Brian continues.

Huh? I must have a stupid look on my face because he grins and says, “That's probably what I looked like when he told me.”

“A kid?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

He shrugs. “He says he's not getting any younger.”

Or better looking. He's lucky he was able to snag Ben in the first place.

“Then there's Linds and the fucking baby,” he grumbles.

I touch his shoulder. “Brian, some people are different. They want different things.”

“What do you want?” he asks seriously.

I can't believe he's asking me this. We're actually having a serious conversation. Maybe I should be thanking Michael for giving Brian a clue.

“I want to be happy, Brian,” I answer honestly. “With you.”

“And are you happy? With me?”

I entwine my fingers with his and bring them to my lips for a quick kiss. “I love you, Brian.”

He pulls me close. “I want a new car. Something sleek and sexy…like me.”

I slap his chest and he grins before admitting, “I'm happy too.”

When he pulls away after kissing my eager lips, I grin and innocently ask, “So were you thinking about us adopting a kid or what?”

He snorts. “With you around, I don't think I could handle another.” He smacks my butt and rolls me onto my back. “You're gonna pay for that little comment though.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and laugh. “Whatever you say. Daddy!”

02/12/02

Banner courtesy Andrea

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