AS YOU ARE
Part 15

FELIX POV

Hugo is driving me crazy.

Two weeks is not a long time... but it feels like a fucking lifetime to me...

I feel as though this bastard is sucking away at my life. I can't throw his ass out because he has nowhere, absolutely no-fucking-where to go.

And I can't just turn my back on him... he's a friend...well, most times, anyway. He's been there for me a few times... when no one else was... so I guess I owe him. Although I feel as though I may have paid some of my dues already.

The stupid little sod is so fucking messy and loud... not to mention bloody obnoxious. He thinks he's God's gift to men, flirting madly with any guy he comes into contact with, gay or straight!

I warned him even before I got back to the Pitts to be on his best behaviour. What a fucking waste of breath!

You'd think he didn't have a care in the bloody world, the way he carries on. The bastard has no home or family... I almost feel sorry for him... but he just doesn't learn... WHY can't he fucking learn from mistakes? I have...

I think he's a bad influence on Justin too. I don't know how or why they fucking started talking to each other. I never should have asked Justin to be civil to the prick... but I honestly didn't think they'd become a pair of queens.

I left them alone one weekend, ONE fucking weekend...and I come back to find them both passed out, the white powder on the bedside table.

I wanted to shake Hugo awake... scream at him for bringing his disgusting habit into MY place...but I didn't do anything... say anything.

I know how hard it is for him to stop... and he has been trying. I only hope it was a one time thing for Justin. I would never want him to go through or experience half of the things Hugo has... or I have for that matter.
This business is a dirty one. We do anything to keep us alive... to make the situation more bearable.

I comfort myself by thinking that Justin's experienced quite a bit with Brian.

I walk into the loft at 1pm after meeting up with a temporary agent. Scott's still on my ass to move back to London but I can't... not yet... not without Justin.

The loft is quiet.
In the bedroom, I find Justin lying on the bed, lighting up a cigarette. He takes a long drag and breathes out the smoke toward the ceiling as he stares up at it.

"A fag for lunch?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

He snorts. "Why do you insist on calling them fags?" he asks, annoyed. "I'm a fag, you're a fucking fag. This," he hold up the cigarette, "is a fucking cigarette."

So he's in a bad mood. Again. He's been in a lot of those lately.
I honestly don't know why though. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll get over whatever the hell is bugging him.

I kick my sneakers off and get on the bed with him, straddling his bare waist. I steal the fag from his fingers and take a long drag. I'm so fucking addicted to these things... I know I'm going to die because of them... but I don't fucking care.

I lean down and kiss him, the smoke filling his mouth.

He coughs when I pull away.

"Where's Hugo?" he asks suddenly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

I glare down at him. "Don't worry your pretty little head about him."

He tries to grab the fag from my hand but I keep it out of his reach. I use my other hand to draw imaginary circles on his bare chest... around his pink little nipples until they harden.

"Give it back, Felix," he says, obviously pissed.

I grin down at him, enjoying the angry flash in his eyes. "I don't think so."

"Then get the fuck off me!" he arches his back in an attempt to unsettle me. But I'm bigger than he is... stronger. And his stiff cock pressing against my ass makes me groan inwardly. I harden immediately.

Using one hand, I'm able to grab ahold of both of his and keep them firmly above his head.

His blue eyes are staring into mine... telling me he wants me. He licks his lips to entice me... as if I'm not fucking hot enough already.

With my free hand, I place the fag in my mouth, the lit side that is, so the "safe" side is on the outside. The hot smoke burns at my mouth but it's not an unpleasant feeling... on the contrary, it's damn arousing.

I lean close to the struggling boy. He opens his mouth and takes the fag in, desperate for it... for me... I'm not sure anymore.

"Fuck me! I have a massive headache." Hugo plops himself on the bed next to Justin, totally oblivious to either of us... or maybe he's just uncaring. Stupid, selfish prick!

I let Justin go and sit back up. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you fucking knock? Can't I have fucking privacy in my own place?"

Hugo yawns. "Go make me a cuppa, would you, Bumlix?"

"Bumlix?" Justin starts giggling like a girl, which fucking irritates me. He's been doing it a lot lately too... giggling like some fucking clown.

Hugo joins in, and they BOTH won't fucking stop laughing.

FUCK THIS!

I get off the bed and make my way to the shower. I need to get away from these two for a while before I go fucking insane.

"I want to go out!" Hugo shouts as he walks out of the bathroom, naked, towelling his hair.

I shake my head at him. "Go get some fucking clothes on, you prick! And that's MY towel."

I'm searching the phone book for a good Sushi restaurant to take Justin to. I want him to try new things... I actually hate Sushi, but he mentioned he's never tried it so...

Hugo snorts and ignores me, walks over to where Justin is seated, working on a project. He leans over his shoulder, the water beads dripping from his body and onto the floor... onto Justin.

"What the fuck are you doing, Blondie?" Hugo asks.

Justin looks up at him and grins. "It's called homework. Some of us actually hope to get somewhere in life."

Hugo snorts again. "I want to get somewhere. I want to get to a bloody pub so I can get a drink... and then maybe a fuck!"

I shoot Hugo a mean look, as I wait on the phone, but the asshole ignores me, as usual.

"Is 8pm tonight ok, sir?" the woman on the other line asks.

"Perfect," I tell her and hang up.

I smack the back of Hugo's head as I join them.

"Ouch!" he protests dramatically, holding his head. "Am I bleeding?"

I lean down and brush my lips against Justin's. Grabbing the pencil from his desk, I turn to Hugo. "How'd you like to know what a pencil up your ass feels like?"

He rolls his eyes heavenward as he walks off to the bedroom to change, butt cheeks clenched. "It's not half bad," he mutters, making me shake my head as I laugh. Stupid prick.

Justin grins. "And you think I'm a drama queen?"

I kiss him again before saying, "You are."

He pushes me away, laughing. "Go away!" he says. "I've got a shitload of work to do!"

"But I just made us dinner reservations!" I know his school should always come first but... we haven't been spending much time together lately, alone time, that is... and I miss him.

I want us to sit and just have fun for once... talk and laugh and get drunk off each other... like we did when we first met.

And I want him to tell me what the fuck is going on... why he's being so moody and depressed lately. Is it something I'm doing? Is it something I'm NOT doing?

"I can't go, Felix," he states, his eyes staring into mine, begging for understanding.

"You could have said something before I went ahead and called, you know." I'm annoyed now, even though I have no right to be... but I had everything all planned out... and now it's ruined.

"I didn't ask you to do anything!" he throws back at me.

"I know that!"

He takes a deep breath in an effort to calm himself, and I follow suit.

"I'm sorry," he says softly.

I nod and give him a half smile. "So am I."

Hugo comes out dressed in tight black pants and an equally tight sleeveless black tee.

"Hang on a sec, Hugs," I tell him. "I'll join you... give Justin some privacy to get his work done."

"Well hurry up," Hugo says as he kneels on the floor and starts digging through his bags. "I haven't got all bloody night!"

I quickly don a pair of blue jeans and a white sleeveless tee, similar to the one Hugo's got on. We were both hired for a French Connection UK shoot and got to keep more than our fair share of clothes.

When I emerge from the bedroom, Hugo is trying to get Justin to join us.

"Come on, Blondie," he begs. "It won't be as much fun without you."

"Leave him alone," I demand as I pull him along with me. To Justin I say, "Try to get some work done."

The minute we're outside, Hugo lights up a fag. I steal his so he has to light another.

"So where the fuck are we going?" he asks.

"Babylon."

We both grab something to eat before we head to the club.

The minute we get there, Hugo rushes to the bar to get us tequila shots. He's addicted to tequila but it's ok because there aren't many calories in it. We gulp down one after the other, no salt or lemon necessary. We're professionals, after all.

"For such a lousy city, this place isn't half bad," Hugo shouts into my ear.

I shrug. We've both seen better, but I won't complain... or compare.

Hugo pulls a vial out of his pocket, which is immediately placed against his nostrils. He takes a deep breath and there's no doubt in my mind what it is.

"Isn't it a bit early for that?" I ask.

He flares his nostrils and blinks as his body adjusts to the effects of the popper.

"It's never too early for a bit of fun," he grins smugly, then turns to look into the crowd of half naked men. "See anything of interest?"

He doesn't wait for me to respond as he walks off.

I look at my watch... 11pm. I wonder what Justin's doing. I light up a fag and take a long drag. I notice a few guys checking me out... but I'm so uninterested, it's funny.

"Well, well, well. Look who's here."

I know that smug voice. It haunts me sometimes... in my thoughts... in my dreams. Everytime I try to forget what we did... what he did to me...
It's hard. It's hard to forget one of the best fucks I'll probably ever get in all of my lifetime. But I won't let him know how much he affects me...

"Brian." I acknowledge him with a nod, hoping he'll go away.

But the bastard leans in even closer to me, his fingers tracing the outline of my right ear. I can smell his aftershave... feel his warm breath on my ear... It's laced with alcohol and fags.

"Where's your better half?" he asks. "Don't tell me he's out there." He looks towards the dance floor and drapes a hand over my shoulder.

I try to pull away but he holds me firm.

"I don't know how, but that little fuck can get any man he wants," he says drunkenly.

I know he's referring to Justin's ability to pick up tricks... Justin's told me all about their little "game."

But I want to rile Brian. I want to piss him off... get him away from me. "He didn't get you though," I say nastily.

He stiffens slightly, then removes his arm from around my shoulders. "He didn't want me."

My eyes lock onto his and I feel sorry for him. Almost.

He turns his back on me and walks away.

Hugo returns. He leans against me and groans. "I need a bloody drink!"

I don't pay much attention to him, my gaze still locked onto Brian. He's leaning on the stairway, lighting up a fag.

Hugo follows my gaze. "Fuck! He's a bloody good looking sod. Do we know this delicious creature, Felix?"

I don't answer and shift my gaze away before Brian catches me looking at him.

Hugo sighs. "Think I'll strike out?"

Fuck. Now Hugo's interested. Double Fuck.

"Stay away from him," I warn him.

Hugo's gaze is still locked onto Brian's form. "Why would I want to do that?"

"He's just off-limits," I say firmly.

"No one's 'off-limits'... especially to me,"

"I'm serious, ok?"

"So am I," Hugo returns quickly. "I don't tell you who to fuck, so don't even think about telling me. Besides, you're playing house with Blondie. Why do you care who I shag?"

I glare at him. He's so incredibly annoying and stubborn at times. Like a child, he wants everything... not caring about any thing or any one else...

"I don't," I assure him. "but this one is out of your league."

He leans into me, his mouth hovering over mine. "YOU were way out of my league. Remember?" And he kisses me, his tongue dueling with mine.

When he pulls away, he says, "Now, I want him. And what I want, I get."

He doesn't do anything else, like walk after Brian, and I'm bloody grateful. He stands by my side for a while before he gets bored and trots off to find some "fun."

"Is he cute?"

It's Justin. He has his arms around my waist, as he grins up at me.

"Hey!" I shout, surprised.

I'm so glad he's here now. I hug him tight and kiss him quickly. "What are you doing here?"

He smiles. "I missed you."

Liar... but I don't care. He's here and I'm happy.

"Where's Hugo?" he asks, his eyes scanning the crowd.

I shrug. I don't know and I don't care.

"I was just about to get out of here." I say.

"Not anymore," he tugs on my hand as he pulls me onto the dance floor.

21/10/2002 - Krissypig

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