AS YOU ARE
Part 10

A Million and one thanks to Connie & Lois

BRIAN's POV

I've been sitting here at my desk staring at the computer screen for the past hour and...nothing. I can't think about anything...but Justin...the way he looked at me that night, with such pain and disappointment in his eyes. I tried to touch him but he just told me I was fucked and ran out the door... after his little princess.

Fuck it! Why am I such an asshole when I'm drunk...or when I'm sober? All I want is for him to be happy.

I don't think he was happy with me...maybe in the beginning...while it was still new....but that eventually wore off...He realised I was nobody special...just a good lay...I could never be the man he wanted...not like...Ethan...or Felix...

He masked the unhappiness with his smiles...fooled me into thinking everything was ok...we were fine.

I wish the little bastard had just come out and told me the truth...instead of taking the easy way out with lies...

There's a knock on my door...at fucking 12.30 am. Who the fuck...? I assume it's must be Justin, he's the only one who shows up at all hours of the night. I was surprised to see his boyfriend at the door instead.

"He's not here." I tell him coldly, assuming he's come looking for Justin, and attempt to shut the door in his face.

But he pushes it back...and he's strong. "I know where he is." he says just as coldly.

I'm tempted to tell him fuck off, that I'm busy, which I am actually, but I realise he must have something to say. I tell myself I don't care what he has to say but let him in anyway. I walk away from the open door and he follows me inside, closing it behind him.

"So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" I ask with fake sweetness as I get myself a beer from the fridge, open it with a can opener.

"Can't I drop by like a good neighbour just to say hullo?" he asks just as sweetly as he takes the beer from the counter, even though I hadn't offered it to him. I don't make a big deal out of it and get another beer.

"Yeah, if we were friends...which we fucking aren't." I take a long sip of beer.

He watches me with an eyebrow raised. "At least we agree on something."

"What the fuck do you want?" I spit out angrily. "I don't think we have anything to say to each other."

"Did you expect me to run away, be on the first flight out of the, what do you locals call it, the Pitts?" At my shrug, he leans forward to whisper. "I'm not going anyplace...without him."

I click my tongue, annoyed. Fuck him. And fuck Justin for putting me through this shit.

"I've got a little problem, Brian."

"Yeah?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"Well who gives a shit?"

"You should...because you're my fucking problem, Brian."

I laugh thinking he must be joking, but he's dead serious. "You're fucking kidding me right?"

"This game has got to stop."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" This guy must be on crack.

"It's either you want him or you don't."

And he won't stop looking into my eyes...his gaze is locked onto them...

"But just to let you know, even if you do want him, so do I." he adds.

He turns to walk away but pauses when he's halfway across the loft. He comes back until he's standing directly in front of me. He's not as tall as I am, a few inches shorter.

"Tell me something. Do you love him?" he asks this softly.

I look him straight in his navy blue eyes and tell him, "That is none of your fucking business."

He grins...because he knows the answer to that question. "But it is...because HE is MY bloody business. And we can both love him, but only one of us can have him."

I say nothing. What the fuck can I say?

He takes a last moutful of beer. "But let me get to the point of this visit-"

"Finally." I mutter sarcastically.

He grins. Nothing throws this guy off. "I think it would mean something to Justin if you could make an appearance at a party at my place this weekend."

I snort.

"You must want his happiness as much as I do." A naturally arched eyebrow is raised to emphasize the challenge in his voice.

"I'll be busy." I assure him.

"I'll be sure to let Justin know."

And with one last conceited smile, he's out the door.

I must be a fool...but I have to see him. Justin. I haven't spoken to him since I let his "secret" out. Not that I'm sorry I did. But I don't want him hurt...because of shit I did...or said, in this case.

Felix's loft is similar to mine, same design. I'm glad for all my experience with back rooms and dimmed lights, I can see everything and everyone clearly...even though only a few lights are on...

There's a bar located at the kitchen counter, where two Nordic Gods are mixing and pouring up a storm. I visit them first, toss my "fuck me" smile their way and get myself a Beam, which I take in one quick gulp. I need to settle my stomach...and stay calm. For the first time in a long while, I'm feeling...strange...nervous even. One god pours me another drink and I gulp it down again, before walking away from the bar.

The music is British...Rave type. I notice the men here are all half- naked...God-like...fucking great bodies.

They're dancing and drinking, enjoying themselves...their hot, fit bodies grinding against each other. Heads thrown back...eyes closed...they seem lost to the music...

I spot Justin leaning against the post, talking to another blonde. Felix's arms are wrapped around Justin, his lips pressing against Justin's temple.

I stare at them for so long, I think Justin senses it...he looks up and sees me...raises his eyebrows in surprise. He pulls away from Felix, then makes his way toward me.

"What are you doing here?" he asks coldly.

I'm caught off guard. I thought he would understand how hard it was for me to come. But I don't say anything, just stare at him.

"I think you should leave, Brian." he says with a glare.

"Don't be rude, Justin." Felix says with a grin as he joins us, an arm coming around Justin's shoulder. "Brian is a guest, after all. Let me go and get you a drink...buddy."

This is a fucking joke. I can't believe I came. I should have joined the boys at Babylon. But no...I decide to put this twat before myself for once...and it's turning into a fucking mess!

Justin is looking at me as if I've suddenly grown two heads.

"What?" I shout.

"You're fucking crazy for showing up here after what you did." he spits out nastily.

"How the truth scares the fucking liar." I say just as nastily. "And your fucking boyfriend is a manipulating shit. He told me YOU wanted to see me."

Justin bites on his bottom lip. "I...I did...want...I didn't think he'd..."

"Yeah. Whatever. He's full of shit."

"Brian..." Justin pleads. "Don't make tonight difficult. Please."

"I won't be here fucking long anyways." I can still make it to Babylon...visit the backroom...

Felix returns with drinks, as well as three shots of tequila, which we down quickly.

He's pulled aside by another blonde, leaving Justin and I alone again.

"How's school?" I ask him, sipping on the drink. I don't want to leave him just yet. He looks so good...I want to pull him closer and breath his scent in. I lean closer, pretending I can't hear what he's saying.

"It's alright. The professors can be so fucked at times." he complains, after taking huge gulps of his own drink in an attempt to get the tequila taste out of his mouth, I'm sure. I follow suit and finish my own in one gulp. I'm incredibly thirsty somehow.

"Fucking professors." I mutter and he grins.

All of a sudden, I feel a jolt go through my body. Fuck. I close my eyes...reopen them. Fuck. Everything is moving so fast. Justin is saying something to me...but I can't concentrate.

"Brian?" he calls out. I pull him into my arms, the contact his body makes with mine sends shivers all over. "Are you ok?"

I shake myself out of it.

Suddenly, I see him close his eyes. His mouth opens slightly and a pink tongue emerges.

I can't help myself...

My mouth is on his in seconds, my tongue tugging on his. His arms find themselves under my vest, pushing against the fabric in an attempt to get closer. His excited moans are driving me crazy, coupled with the hardness pressing against my groin.

We both pull away suddenly and just stare at each other...understanding. We know all about this shit...have used it so many times in the past...know how to deal with it...we don't care how we got it...we just have to feed this urge...this intensity...this need...to fuck.

He pulls me along with him to the bedroom and immediately gets on his knees. His hands are frantically trying to undo the buttons on my pants. As much as I need to be inside of him right now, I want to feel his mouth on mine again...that beautfiul mouth...full of so many hidden talents.

I pull him off the ground and go after his mouth, I haven't been kissed by these lips for so long...I need to explore them like I used to...

"No teasing, Brian." he begs, pulling away slightly. I let my tongue trail a wet layer to his neck instead and he leans to one side to give me better access.

I'm feeling so hot, a desperate need to get out of these clothes...a desperate need to get Justin out of his. I pull his t-shirt off and go for a pink nipple immediately, suck on it until I hear his little gasp of pleasure.

I feel his hands slipping into my pants, the back of them lightly touching my skin, making me stiffen in anticipation. He seems to be having trouble with the pants and begins caressing my hard dick through the rough fabric....but then, all of a sudden, they are gone...

"Don't..." I say softly into his ear. I try to grab his hands as he cups my face, pulling me forward to kiss again.

And then his hands fall to his side and he lean backwards...away from me...making me pull away too.

And I see...Felix behind him, naked, his navy blue eyes glazed and his hard-on fierce. I look downwards as a habit and I'm amazed...he's fucking huge.

His pink tongue is teasing Justin's mouth slowly but his eye contact is on me. And I can't help but stare back...as I feel my dick get even harder...if such a thing is possible. His hands are easing Justin's pants off, until the jeans are a pile at his feet.

Justin turns around so his back is to me and begins kissing Felix, his hands running through the other man's hair. And all this time Felix has his eyes wide open, staring at me...challenging me to join in.

I'm not about to be left out...especially now. Whatever the fuck he gave me...us...the need is too intense to stop now...the music and alcohol has made it even more unbearable.

I slip out of my clothes quickly and move closer to Justin, place a hand on his slim hip and pull him back onto me so his bottom is pressed against my dick, his back to my chest. I tug an earlobe into my mouth and suck on it, using my tongue to tease it.

Felix presses into him from the front, his hand stroking Justin's dick as his tongue draws circles on the teen's silkly shoulder. Felix's mouth is inches away from my own. I can't help but lean closer...until my hair is interwoven with his and I can smell his breath...cigarettes mixed with alcohol... The little fuck never loses eye contact with me...tilts his head to one side and opens his mouth. I take the hint and soon we're battling with tongues...exploring each other's mouth...

"Oh fuck." Justin breaths out, forcing us to pull apart. "Fuck me."

Felix gets on the bed and Justin slides on top of him, his tongue licking a path from Felix's navel to his incredibly sexy mouth.

Now wanting to be left out of the fun, I get behind and begin kissing at Justin's shoulder. He shifts so that I'm staring at Felix...into those intense blue eyes again. I lean forward...he pushes himself up...and our mouths connect again. Fuck...he really knows how to kiss. He tugs on my tongue with just the right amount of pressure over and over again until I'm moaning.

Justin hates being ignored...especially during a threesome so he pulls me away from Felix, looks over his shoulder at me and I oblige. I kiss him with as much passion I can muster and when I pull away, he pleads, "Fuck me, Brian. Fuck me."

While I slip on the condom, Justin begins licking his way down Felix's body until he reaches the hard dick. He takes it into his mouth and I hear Felix cry out.

I insert a finger into Justin's hole and feel him stiffen. He pushes back against my finger demanding more.

I enter him then, ease my hard dick slowly into the tight hole, hear his gasp. I begin to pull out but he won't let me, tries to move backward so he can keep me inside of him. I press a hand against his back, push his head back down to Felix's dick and begin to thrust...hard...increase the pace.

He groans loudly and starts licking at Felix's dick as I thrust harder.

"Brian. Brian. Brian." he chants...and I close my eyes and enjoy the moment. No one can compare to Justin in bed. He has the most honest responses to me...expresses whatever he feels, holds nothing back.

He knows he will always be safe with me...that I'll never hurt him.

"Fuck!" I hear both Felix and Justin scream in unision.

I normally can go at it for long periods. But not now...not after wanting to do this for so long...the pleasure is too intense.

Justin's breathing is choppy and fast, I know he's going crazy...

Felix doesn't hold it any longer.

I feel as if I'm going to explode any minute now.

And then I do.

I pull out and get off the bed to get rid of the condom. Walking back from the bathroom, I have to blink twice. There are naked men all over the room...fucking...and sucking...and passed out on the floor.

I go back into the bedroom, still feeling dazed and confused. My heart beat is accelerated somehow.

"Brian? Come back to bed." I hear Justin call. As soon as I get into bed, his arms are around me, hugging me tightly.

I plant a kiss on his damp forehead.

"That was fucking brilliant. " Felix breathes out on the other side.

I have to agree with him there.

"So what do you say we have another go boys?" Felix suggests.

Hey, I'm up for it.

- top - Meet Felix - home -
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