ALL I ASK OF YOU
Part 4

Brian took a long pull on his cigarette and tried to blow smoke rings as he lay on his bed. It was late but he couldn’t sleep. He felt like shit. Since the night of his birthday party, he had not heard from Justin. That was a week ago. Justin refused to speak to him. Mikey barely spoke to him. Deb pitied him and the rest of the gang didn’t seem to care either way.

Brian didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted to say ‘fuck them’, but he knew he could never do that. He could never give up on Justin…the one fuck he had let get inside his head, his bed and his heart. He only hoped Justin wouldn’t give up on what they had.

Mikey was easy pickings. He wouldn’t stay mad for long.

Brian realized he needed to fix things. He needed to get down on his hands and knees and beg a kid to come back to him…But was he ready to go that far?

Ten minutes later, Brian found himself in his jeep and speeding towards Justin’s apartment. There was no turning back now.

Justin sank deeper into his sweater in an attempt to get warm. His class had gone over and as a result, he had missed his bus and had to wait 20 minutes in the cold for another. He was hungry and cold, his nose frozen and dripping. All he wanted to do was dive into his bed and cry his eyes out. His heart had been heavy with hurt this past week. And all because of one man…the only man…Brian Kinney.

Justin was sick of getting hurt by Brian, who he loved so much. Brian would always be Justin’s first love; the one he’d remember for the rest of his life; the one he’d always wonder about… But all Justin wanted to do now was let him go. He wasn’t up for the challenge of battling with Brian anymore.

Understandably, Justin was quite peeved when he saw the familiar black jeep parked outside his apartment. He gritted his teeth when he realized Brian was still sitting in it.

Justin chose to ignore him and walked past him. He heard the jeep door slam and felt Brian beside him. “Justin?” Brian said softly.

“Go away, Brian.” Justin mumbled, already feeling the tears burning at his eyes, aching to fall down his cheeks. But he would hold up the dam for as long as he could.

“No. We need to talk.” Brian said, his tone leaving no room to argue.

“Haven’t you said enough already?”

“Will you at least look at me?”

“Why? For you to accuse me of more shit?”

Brian moved until he was standing in front of Justin. “I’m sorry, ok.”

“This must be a record for you. I can do without this apology though.”

Brian tried to touch Justin but he pulled away. Brian looked up at the stars in an attempt to stop his own tears from falling. This was too hard. “So what does this mean? Is it over?”

“You don’t trust me, Brian. What can we have if you don’t trust me?”

Brian laughed scornfully. “Trust you? You were fucking around behind my back for weeks with that piece of shit! And then coming home to me, kissing me and touching me and LIEING to me…how the hell do you expect me to trust you, Justin?”

Justin stared at the floor, ashamed. “I’m not proud of what I did, Brian. It was hard for me to choose.”

“Exactly what was so hard Justin? There I was, offering you more than I have ever offered anyone else…and you threw it all back in my face! What the fuck more did you need?” Brian argued.

“What about your heart, Brian?” Justin said softly.

Brian looked up at the stars again, obviously frustrated. “My heart? You’re so fucking crazy! What is with you and this love shit Justin? Why are those words so fucking important to you? It’s like you’ve got clouds up your ass!”

“Shut up Brian!”

Brian held on to the lapels of Justin’s jacket and shook him. “Listen to me. Are you listening? Those words mean nothing to me. My old man…he was supposed to love me wasn’t he? Well guess what? He used to beat the shit out of me. So fuck it. Fuck that I love you bullshit…”

“Brian-“

“Lemme finish. If it’s words you fucking want Justin, choke on these…I love taking care of you and protecting you and I would love to see you become someone in life. I love your smile and your laugh and watching you sleep. I love the way you kiss me and hold me and baby me, even when I grumble at you. I love going out and dancing with you all night at Babylon…and then going home with you…” Brian stopped to wipe at Justin’s tears, which were streaming down his face. “Justin, I want you in my life. Don’t you understand?”

Justin nodded. “I’m so sorry. I hurt us so bad…”

“I was fucking devastated when I came home from Chicago and you had gone to Vermont…without me.”

Justin sobbed. “I thought you would have come after me…but you never did.”

“I was mad at you…I blame myself for that…for you turning to him.” Brian cupped his boy’s face in his hands and kissed him lightly. “Don’t ever turn to someone else…” Justin nodded weakly. Brian stared into his eyes. “You never even called to say you were going.”

“I was wrong too, I know. But you could have let me have my picnic!”

“I know…but I was so stressed at work. I planned one for you actually.”

“You did? When?” Justin hugged Brian.

“That night…when Molly was at the hospital.”

Justin pulled away to look into Brian’s eyes. “That’s why you were so upset! Why didn’t you tell me, Brian?”

Brian shrugged. “It seems we have some major communication problems.”

Justin nodded. “Think we can fix it?”

Brian pulled Justin into his arms. “We don’t have a choice.” They stayed like that, in each other’s arms for a long time.

Mikey looked out the window and was shocked to see them. “Do you two know how cold it is outside? Do you have a jacket Justin? Will you two come inside already?”

Brian laughed. “Give us a minute, will you?”

“So what now?” Justin asked, looking up into his boyfriend’s hazel eyes.

“We live happily ever after?” Brian suggested with a grin.

“But before that?”

“You move back in with me…and then we live happily ever after?”

Justin pulled away from the embrace. “Brian…I don’t know about that…us moving back together so soon.”

“What’s there not to know about?” Brian asked impatiently.

“What about the tricks?” Justin asked, a challenge in his tone.

“What about them?”

Justin got up the courage to ask, “Are they going to play a big part of our life?”

Brian’s forehead wrinkled. “Are you asking me to give up tricking?”

Justin took a full minute before he answered softly, “Yes.”

Brian swallowed. “I’m not going to promise anything…but I’ll try.”

Justin grinned and slipped his arms around his lover’s neck. “I guess that’s all I can ask of you.”

“Do you think Mikey will be ok?” Justin asked. He and Brian were in bed at the loft, exhausted from spending all day moving and packing.

“He’ll be ok. Emmett seemed overjoyed to move back. I guess he and the porn king ran into some difficulty.” Brian said. He was propped up on an elbow staring at his boy.

“Are you sure about this…us?” Justin asked nervously.

Brian brushed his lips against Justin’s. “I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. I said it before, but I’ll say it again. I want you around for a long time.”

Justin smiled. “I want to be around for a long time.” They kissed. “Brian?”

“Hmm?”

Justin swallowed. “Even though you don’t care much for words, I want you to know…”

“Yea?”

“I love you, ok.”

“Do me a favour?”

“Anything.”

“Never stop…”

“I promise.”

“I guess that’s all I can ask of you.”

END OF THE CHAPTER

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